IF YOU EVER FELT LIKE A PIRATE

Then, you'll love using the Adam & Eve Sword of Love dildo. You'll probably get two uses out of its anal functions, before your partner starts to scream. I had to listen to poor Terra Incognito start screaming about her asshole bleeding or some shit. Honestly, I fucking blank after the first bloodfart. But, that's a discussion for another time.

THE HILT MAKES IT SO MUCH FUN

Most of the time I spent using the Sword of Love on my lover, it was going in the vagina. She loved that shit. Especially, the curve and the slick glossy finish. It allowed for maximum penetration and less burn.

At least, that's what she said afterwards. The entire time the thing was in here, she was screaming shit at me in tongues. I thought she was possessed by Vigo the Carpathian, I would later find out that she was getting maximum stimulation on the G-Spot. I called her liar since women don't have G-Spots. That's when she clocked me on the head with the Sword of Love.

IT FUCKING HURTS, WHEN YOU CLOCK SOMEONE OVER THE HEAD WITH IT

It does hurt, when you get bitch smacked with a dildo. I've been clobbered a few times out of anger and during the midst of sex. If I had to be knocked around with a dildo, then I choose the Sword of Love. It's a sleek toy that really lubes up with the vaginal juice applied to it. Plus, if you smack it on someone's ass, you can make a really kick-ass sound.

A HOUR AT MOST

That's how long you have until the Sword of Love loses its novelty. But, that's the shelf life of most adult toys. You buy it and you're really fucking into it. There might be times when you're motivated to use it as a spur of the moment device. But, it's destined to head to the garbage or your adult toy chest after a month or so. That's the sad truth.

HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR MOGWAI

The Sword of Love was more durable than a lot of the toys I have tested. When you first get it, I recommend a sterile cleaning before insertion. Upon removing the review dildo, I noticed that the Sword of Love had a sticky feel to it. Some hot water added and it goes away. There's nothing much outside of that. Just insert and enjoy.