Date of Production: 2006 and 2007

Length: 97 minutes

Director: Jake Cruise

Cast: unlisted

Body Types: European men, muscular types, uncut cocks, smooth and hairy chest, guys with tattoos

Condoms: no

Things to see: gang-bang, big dicks, hairy and smooth chests, uncut cocks

Plot: no plot

The Movie:

Straight porn has become a rite of passage for countless gay men.  When many of us first acknowledged that our penis perked up to the thought of naked men, we hunted for Playgirl magazines that our mothers never had or we watched bad Showtime movies with the hope that we might finally see an actual penis.  Alas, many of us found it difficult to find much of anything good until we were introduced to the communal porno tape through a friend.  This tape had, at one time, belonged to someones father, but now it had been passed along by friends of friends who had watched it until they were (a) bored with it or (b) they were having sex and therefore found the real thing that much more appealing.  Our older brothers might have owned a similar VHS tape, but they too would have borrowed it from a friend whose father was left scratching his head, unable to ask his wife where that "special" tape had gone.

The communal straight porno tape was the first time that many of us watched sex acts between two (or more) people, but most importantly, it was the first chance we ever had to see fully naked men, completely hard.  At first the sex acts appeared to be both amazing and exciting.  After the third watch through, however, we might have skipped past the hairy and fat guy in scene three (Ron Jeremy anyone?) as well as the mostly lesbian sex scene.  If we were lucky enough, though, there was at least one male actor who was cute enough, or his penis was hot enough, for us to get off in time before our parents returned home from shopping.  This was the unfortunate crux of all straight porn; it wasn't made for us, but when it was the only thing we had, we tried our best to make use of it.

Fortunately, Jake Cruise has introduced a fascinating new genre of porn; straight porn that will appeal to gay men.  Instead of gratuitous pussy closeups and/or "lesbian" sex scenes, Mr. Cruise wisely aims his camera primarily at the sexy male European models.  At first the camera follows the female models as they undress the guys, showing off the men's' asses, their muscular arms, and their perfect cocks.  As the scene progresses, the camera continues to capture the best angle for viewing the guys, as opposed to close-ups of the females squeezing their nipples and licking their lips.  In many ways the females are almost an after-thought since they blend in with the surroundings.  However, perhaps this is just further proof that this porn was made for gay men because I barely noticed the girls; my eyes were focused on the yummy specimens of manhood.

The straight sex itself is quite good because the actors are uninhibited around each other.  Perhaps the hottest aspect of the sex acts is specifically how comfortable the guys are with each other.  The models stroke their cocks next to each other, sometimes standing so close that their legs touch.  As the females suck on the guys in a chain-gang suck off, the lad's legs and arms are often on top or touching the guy next to him.  However, the hottest moments occur when the guys watch each other receiving blowjobs.  In fact, there were just a few moments when some of the guys spent less time watching the girls and more time watching the guy's dick. 

I was mightily impressed with this film, perhaps because it was making me forget about the countless hours of bad straight porn that I used to watch.  Jake Cruise has effectively created a new genre here, one that I hope will continue to thrive.  Fortunately, this title will be a great introduction to this innovative new type of porn.  Now if only your older brother had this DVD sandwiched under his mattress! 

Scene one:

One lucky blond girl starts out by kissing each guy and touching their chests.  She partially undresses the men, showing off their chests and firm asses.  Eventually the guys strip off all of their clothes and wait for their first suck of the day.  Standing in a circle, the guys stroke their cocks and watch the oral action.  A few of the guys face-fuck the girl, but most of the men are pretty gentle.  The action then quickly progresses to some old fashioned vaginal fucking.  The girl never takes off her dress, but her bald pussy is easy to see, and her nipples occasionally poke out.  While being screwed, the girl becomes quite the multi-tasker since she sucks and strokes on guys around her.  The other guys sit around and watch the action, stroking their hard dicks as their friends plow her pussy.

At one point, all of the guys circle around the girl, intimately close to each other.  In the circle, the guys stroke their cocks, watching the action and waiting for their turn to fuck her or have her suck on their cock.  The guys then sit on the couch, close enough for their arms and legs to be touching each other.  The girl proceeds to head down the line, blowing each one while the other guys watch and wait for their turn.  Several of the guys clearly enjoy watching the other males receive blowjobs, and a few of them even check out the guy next to him.  One by one, she strokes or fucks each guy until he shoots off his load.  Each guy cums onto his own chest, which she then cleans up with a towel.  In a nice touch, most of the guys hang around, watching the action, even after they have climaxed.  

Scene two:

Two European girls get to screw more horny European lads.  One girl (wearing a cheerleader plaid skirt) is a shorter brunette, resembling mainstream actress Jewel Statie (Firefly).  The other girl is a tall and lanky dark brunette who had could almost pass for porn actress Hypatia Lee's daughter.  The girls break off into two groups with the guys.  The darker brunette girl starts to undress her playmates, kissing them as she turns them on.  In the other group, the guys huddle around the lighter brunette, caressing her body from behind, kissing her and erotically grinding their bodies on her.  In many ways, this group shares the hottest make out session because the guys are so close to each other as they stroke their dicks and play with the girl at the same time.  In the other group, the tall gal starts to suck on her boys, one at a time (their legs fully overlapping). 

While the shorter gal blows the guys in a circle formation, the taller, darker brunette holds her legs up in the air so that the boys can fuck her.  While being fucked, she sucks on another guy's cock.  A third guy licks her nipples, despite the fact that he's so close to another guy's cock.  In the group with the shorter girl, she is straddle fucked while she sucks on one of the guys.  The other guys continue to stroke their cocks, watching the intense action.  When one (oh so) muscular guy starts to screw her, it's clear that he wants to fuck her hard.  He proceeds to furiously pound her pussy, making her moan.  He fucks her hard until he barely pulls his cock out in time to shoot his load onto her stomach.  All of the guys continue to fuck the girls until they start to shoot off their impressive loads. 

The scene ends (nicely) with each guy walking up to the girls and planting a kiss on their lips as a way to thank them for their services. I wish there was a way we could thank the guys for their services as well!

Scene three:

This is a brief, behind-the-scenes segment.  Culled from the first scene, one guy holds up the blond girl in the air, so that another guy can fuck her.  This was a hot position since the guy's dicks were so darn close to each other.  The second scene involves one of the models fucking the lighter brunette girl.  He fucks her intensely and gets close twice, but ultimately can't release any cum.  The actors giggle about his problem.  

The DVD:

Video:

Shot in fullscreen, the image is generally bright and sharp.  A watermark appears in the corner of each scene for around one minute and then disappears.  Other than that, all of the action looks good on the screen. 

Sound:

The sound is decent for the production.  All of the actors are foreign and subtitles aren't provided.  While the grunts of pleasure are easy to discern, it would have been nice to be able to understand what the guys were saying to each other at some points. 

Extras:

Extras are slim, consisting of scene selection and a preview for the Jake Cruise we site. 

Final thoughts:

Muscle Lineup was a fun experience because the guys were so darn hot and they were comfortable enough to stroke their cocks next to other dudes, sometimes even with their legs and arms touching each other.  Director Jake Cruise has successfully created a film that will appeal to gay men looking for hot male models who just so happen to prefer having sex with women, though I have seen a few of the actors in gay porn films.  Straight women will also enjoy this film because of the hunky guys and the emphasis placed on showing off the men's' various assets.  Married women might even want to watch this with their husbands, in retaliation for all of the years of straight sex tapes that was so clearly geared towards a straight male audience.  Highly Recommended!