Gay Holiday Eating Tips: Chad Talks

Gay Holiday Eating Tips: Chad Talks

Hello, My Sexies!

I just need to drop by and spill my tea and give my (probably not popular) opinion on eating through this gay holiday season. So many men's health and fitness blogs are telling us how to moderate our eating, keep up the gym, and what foods to avoid to keep our figure and plow through to the New Year looking like a snack. Well, my advice is, eat that snack and still be a snack. You know me, I'm never one to keep my opinions quiet and so here's my unprofessional advice.

Gravy

I was horrified to read an article suggesting you should do away with gravy on your turkey and potatoes in order to save calories. Oh honey, you wouldn't top someone without lube, so don't eat a meal without some juicy lubrication. Gravy is a gift from the gods and to ignore it is to ignore pleasure. And don't be stingy, make a moat on your plate and dunk and smother away!

Potatoes

This goes along with the gravy thing. Some healthy eating tips call for skim milk or other milk substitutes. Ignore them. That is a hate crime. Why bother if it isn't full milk and butter? Would you start giving oral and then stop half way? NO! We want the full plate. Also, if you are eating sweet potatoes, they better be covered with marshmallows.

Eggnog

Who cares each glass has a million calories? Who cares that you can fill it to the brim with booze and it still tastes amazing but will likely make you kiss (or more) everyone in the room? Egg nog literally comes around once a year, it is delicious, it is tradition, so drink up! You've put worse things down your throat. Enjoy it because you can. Throw the carton away (if there is any left) by January 2nd (we know that January 1st doesn't count). But impress your friends on how much thick liquid you can swallow.

 

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Buffet Bitch

Some of these holiday eating tips are telling us to load up our buffet plate with greens and fruits to fill us up before devouring the sweets or decadent dishes. Eff em. Be that buffet bitch and load that plate up with goodness! That's what it is there for. Again, the holidays come once a year. If you only were to cum once a year, you better be assured you'd be hitting those hookups for all they are worth. Go back for seconds, be a warrior and go back for thirds. Enjoy it, bitch! This year has been hard on many of us gays, let's enjoy, shall we?

Pie Portions

One of our least favorite eating tips is to cut a piece of pie in half so you are getting the taste, but only in a sliver at a fraction of the holidays. SAY WHAT? Do you know how much hard work goes into eating a pie? It's like a bottom prepping for date night. Don't let it go to waste. Cut a big portion, if your host cuts a small portion, ask for seconds. It is a compliment to your host and again, pumpkin pie only comes around so often in the year. Also, don't let your pie run around naked. Put some whipped cream on that bitch! Here's a little fun hack for chocolate lovers - add some chocolate syrup to the top of your pumpkin pie. It is SO good!

Fruitcake

Um, ok, this one I will support. No one, and I mean no one actually likes a fruitcake. We are bringing the fruitcake to the holiday party, if you know what I mean, so ditch that.

 

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Working Out

I know so many of us gays deal with body issues all year round and many of us will hit the gym a required number of days per week. Here's the thing, no one is going to die from skipping the gym a bit here and there during the holidays. The weather is cozy, late-night holiday parties are in full swing, Hallmark holiday movies are playing, and you can cover up that bulge with a cute sweater, just enjoy! Don't be such a stickler on your gym routine that you miss out on the holiday fun.

Enjoy the holidays and you can return to your regularly scheduled gay eating when the New Year comes around. Give yourself a break this holiday and give yourself some grace, you made it through another year! Also, if you need some help burning calories in the New Year, I have some great bedroom exercises. Wink, wink.

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