Ask Chad Love & Dating: Baffled Besties, Clingy Boos, & Office Fling?

Ask Chad Love & Dating: Baffled Besties, Clingy Boos, & Office Fling?

Hello, Sexies! How was everyone’s Thanksgiving? Gurlll…your Chad here got stuffed! Ok, did you know that Wednesday night before Turkey Day is the busiest day for bars? I can attest to that! The gay bars were packed, and so was my ass by the end of the night. TMI? LOL. I hope yours was equally as sexy. Can’t wait for Christmas Eve shenanigans!

Keep those dating, sex, and love questions coming in, Sexy Bitches, I love reading them! Just like my Sniffies profile says, nothing is off limits: [email protected]

Dear Chad,

 My very good friend started dating someone new about six months ago. He is very hot, has always been very nice and fun to me, and has a lot of ambition (which is a new type for my friend to start dating). My friend drunk texted me last week that they were having major issues and that his boyfriend was starting to get verbally abusive. I asked him about it the next day (the texts were pretty desperate) and he said they would be fine, his boyfriend apologized. Well, I spent Thanksgiving Day with them and it was not fine. Halfway through the day, they started fighting. Really badly. They verbally attacked each other with such nasty things to say. They were drinking from the night before so I know that heightened the situation. I asked them to stop and they just continued. I decided to leave and ended up spending Thanksgiving night by myself ordering in. I didn’t hear from my friend the next day and when I finally did, he pretended like nothing happened. I haven’t been around them since because it made me extremely uncomfortable. I’m worried for my friend, his dating history has always been suspect but this is pretty bad. What can I do?

Baffled Bestie

Dear Baffled Bestie,

Oh, man! This is a tricky situation. Trust me on this, I have been through this a few times. It is a no-win scenario. If you get involved and try to be the superhero and save your friend, it will backfire because until he realizes there is a serious issue, he will always go back and backtrack on his frantic messages to you, and you will end up being the bad guy who isn’t getting along with his new boyfriend. If you leave it alone, your friendship with him will suffer because no, you shouldn’t have to be around that kind of behavior. All you can do is tell your friend you recommend they get therapy. You can tell him how you feel about being around them and that you wish better for him. Once you say that, you have to step back and let it be. Like with many things, you can’t help someone who isn’t willing to help themselves.

_____

Hey Chad,

This new guy I am dating just asked me to come home with him to his family for the holidays. We’ve only been dating for three months and yes, I do really like him, but I think it is too soon. I have a very strained relationship with my own family, and being around families makes me anxious and I feel a lot of pressure. Also, my guy is super sweet but we’ve already had some issues with him being too clingy too soon. No way to I want to break up with him, and I do see a future with him, but doing the family thing right away is just not something I want to do. I’m afraid of hurting his feelings and I’m afraid he will get so upset he will break up with me. Advice?

Clingy Boo

Dear Clingy Boo,

The holidays always bring up a lot of issues, especially when dating someone new. Holidays just put unnecessary pressure on us to act a certain way or do certain things. Take the holiday quotient out of it. If you wouldn’t meet anyone’s family three months into dating, then you shouldn’t have to just because it is Christmas. There’s an unspoken assumption when bringing someone home during important dates that this is your future forever guy.  And while you may suspect that may be the case, forcing something to happen faster is going to make you resentful and anxious to the point you will want to walk away. Just explain your feelings, offer to have your own private Xmas celebration before he goes, and promise him amazing sex when he gets back. Just tell him you think it would be healthier in the long run to wait just a bit. If he can’t handle that, then he isn’t listening to your needs and maybe he isn’t the best guy for dating long term. If he dumps call me, you can deck my halls all night long.

_____

Dear Chad,

My husband’s office all went out the night before Thanksgiving for drinks. I know for a fact there’s a new, cute guy working in his office who went. I know their office hangouts can get crazy but he came home really late, disheveled, and went right to bed. The next day, he didn’t really say much about what happened other than they had a lot to drink and did karaoke. That might sound like a reasonable explanation for coming home so late, but he usually elaborates on every detail from his office hangouts. I suspect he hooked up with this guy in some way and is too nervous to tell me. Every time I mention it, he gets quiet and changes the subject. Did he do the office intern?

Suspecting Sean

Dear Suspecting Sean,

We’ve all had drunken nights, we’ve all had kisses (or more) that shouldn’t have happened. You call him your husband so I’m assuming you have been together for a while. Hey, sometimes long-term relationships have a little lull and you need to spice things up. Maybe he did forget himself for a minute and share a moment with the cute guy. You have to decide if it bothers you. I’m assuming you don’t have an open relationship. And even if you did have an open relationship, communication and honesty should always be first priority. It’s not good if he is keeping something from you. And that goes for anything, whether he spent too much of the household’s money, or he broke your antique teapot, he needs to tell you. You can’t let it fester – knowing or not knowing – because it sounds like it is a big deal for you. If it was a one-time mistake, does that matter more than a marriage? We all make mistakes. So, again, first decide if it would be a relationship breaker if he did fool around, then sit him down and tell him you want the honest truth. Unfortunately, it’s his word if he did something or not. Don’t go overboard and start suspecting everything he does, though. That will turn you into a crazy gay. But also, see if he comes home later than usual or if he is disheveled, or if he is perfectly groomed, all of those signs of after-hours play.  If he continues to act weird, something may be up. Maybe instead of just grilling him about that night, talk to him about your relationship and how things are going, and if you need to spice things up. If you want me to go undercover, get a job as an intern at your husband’s job, and try to sleep with him and the other intern, just let me know. LOL.

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