Certain Truths About Gay Sex: Chad Speaks

November 26, 2024
ALEXANDER

Certain Truths About Gay Sex: Chad Speaks

Hey, Sexies!

Not to get political here, but there is so much chatter about the queer community right now and what we are up to in the bedroom. I love talking about sex, I love celebrating sex, but there are so many general thoughts out there that, from my many hookup experiences, are just not constants. Also, when chatting with some of you crazy gays on the apps, I'm coming across some assumptions that are just not always true. We are also getting more and more representation on screen that is not shying away from showing gay sex scenes. While we appreciate it, we often see a glamorized version of what it really is. This also rings true in the gay porn world, we see the fantasy, not the reality. I wanted to take this opportunity to address some misconceptions about gay sex that I've learned. Tell me what assumptions people make about what you are doing in the bedroom! Have we experienced the same thing?

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Anal!

Believe it or not, some gay guys just don't get into anal sex. Whether it's physically uncomfortable or just not an attractive idea to a guy, there are a number of gays out there that will do anything but anal. We have seen the rise of the "side" on the hookup apps. Oral, rimming, frottage, and handjobs are all the sex they need. And that's ok! Not everyone needs their hole plugged to have a good time in bed.

Asexual

Asexuality is a very real thing and the asexual movement is gaining momentum. Some of us just don't want to have sex. We can still enjoy intimacy and romance, but physical sex is just not something some of us get into. Asexuals for sure can get into a loving and intimate relationship, they are capable of feeling love and romance, it's just the physical act that they don't participate in. As someone who has tried to date an asexual, you have to be very sure that you can do without or that you have an open relationship for whenever you need to get your rocks off. Along these lines, there is the assumption that gay men just naturally have high sex drives. This is not the case. Yes, we can get super horny but this isn't true for everyone at every moment. If you feel that you do not want to have sex because of a low sex drive and not that you consider yourself asexual, maybe it is time to get your testosterone level checked.

Bisexual Men

Back in the day when I came out, when someone said they were bisexual, we would all roll our eyes and consider it a stepping stone to coming out fully gay. Now, in today's modern age, we know that true bisexuality is a very real and valid sexual identity. Now, the assumption is that a bisexual man cannot enjoy all the benefits of a gay man, or even gay sex. Duh. They can absolutely lead a "gay" life, have great gay sex, and be in a long-term relationship with a gay man. They can also do that with a woman...well, maybe not the gay sex part. That's what being bisexual means, you can fully do, and want to do, both! Don't sell your bisexual hookup short.

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Open Relationships

There used to be a time when being in an open relationship was done in secret and in whispers. Now, it seems that being in a gay open relationship is the norm, and those who choose monogamy are rare. There is the assumption that open relationships ultimately don't work and will lead to jealousy, cheating, and breaking up. This just isn't true. In fact, many of us credit having an open relationship as saving our long-term relationship. Sometimes we don't get all we need in the gay sex department from our partner, but we still have needs. If an open relationship has good communication, boundaries, and expectations, it can very much work well for a couple that both agree to it.

Condoms!

The joke among gay men is, "What's a condom?" While many of us did not have to go through the AIDS epidemic, there are many of us who lost practically everyone in our friendship circle to the disease. Just because we have PrEP and Doxy doesn't mean we should totally do away with condoms. HIV contraction is still a thing, not every medication is fail-safe, and some from our community are not totally honest about their sexual health. You should still take precautions and be knowledgeable about your status and those you are having sex with. Also, not shaming someone who wants to use a condom is also a big help.

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Power Verse!

Ok, this one really gets me riled up. LOL. Yes, there are power tops and yes, there are power bottoms, but (gasp!) there are also power verses. There are ideas of being masc/femme by declaring just being a top or bottom, but sometimes we aren't believed when we say we are a true verse. We like flipping and if you declare that you are a verse in your hookup profile, we are going to assume that we will both be taking turns on top and bottom. We can't tell you the number of times that even when we say we are up for verse action, our hookup only wants to play in one position. Trust us, we truly like giving and receiving. Both bring us joy.