Grindr Fails: Family Fun, Dad Bods, & Messy Breakups

December 13, 2023
JOSHUA ANDREW

Tis the season to Grind and be merry! It's the holidays and while it's cold outside the apps are heating up with homos horny at home, traveling, or just wanting to get their snow globes off. But seriously, everyone's locations are scattered this month. I'm asking "visiting or local?" as often as I'm asking "into?" But get into trouble now while you can — leave those bad decisions in 2023.

Now for the goods: scroll on as we talk about close brothers, guys who want dad bods, and that one messy gay couple we all know...

In this chat, the guy in yellow likes bigger guys, he wants to see muscle or a dad bod. That's his choice and those of us with a hot dad bod thank you. Then comes this horny twink who clearly likes what he sees and tries to worm him twinky way into bed with this hunk. This sneaky twink... But you know what he claims to be a strong twink who can handle security. It reminds me of my dogs, the smallest, tiniest one is the biggest fighter and most ferocious and the big one just wants to lay down and have his belly rubbed.

What a difference a day makes! In this convo, we have to assume the guys are already friends of some sort in that the guy in blue is talking openly about his bf to the guy in yellow like there's some understanding of wrongdoing and woe. On October 11, the guy in blue was done taking his boyfriend's $hit. He was moving on and NEVER letting him around again. The next day, the boy in blue is messaging to let his Grindr friend know he's deleting the app because he and the toxic boyfriend are madly in love again and going to make it work. I can almost guarantee that by October 18 there's another breakup. Though, they still may have gone in a couple's Halloween costume. And why? Cause these two are messy AF. We all know a gay couple like this — who breaks up every week or so and drags all their friends into the drama. Sir, I am here to get my dick sucked not to hear about you and your boyfriend playing Khloe and Tristian.

I can't tell you how fast I'd ask for location but I'm a pig. There's a lot to unpack here. Two half-brothers are cruising on a shared Grindr for dick — but it's ok cause mom cheated and they aren't full brothers. They are still closer in relation than Marsha and Greg from The Brady Bunch and that was eyebrow-raising. Horny bro also throws in a tidbit that they have been fooling around long before they realized that they were only half an abomination and not a full Biblical disaster. But honestly good for you guys. Drop your Twitter, I'll follow.

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