Ask Chad: Throuples, Uncut Dicks, & Freeloaders…Oh My!

December 3, 2023
CHAD

What up??!??!?!

Ok, Thanksgiving came and went…and so did I. Went out Thanksgiving Eve and boyyyyy was it jumping. All the hotties coming home to visit their families…yessss, please! Hungover Thanksgiving morning, had a vodka pumpkin latte (yes, I made one up), then headed to the movies with family. Saw Hunger Games. Maybe cause I was tipsy, I dunno, but I loved the movie. It was violent, it was dark, it was sultry…just like my sex life. My only complaint is that there weren’t enough shirtless sexy mens…AND, the lead girl wouldn’t stop singing. It was a goddman musical. I’m gay, but I don’t want a musical served to me with a side of deadly fights with a hangover. People fighting and getting killed, let’s sing a song! Yaaasss! This ain’t muthafucking Les Miz!

Anywayyyy, keep those questions coming in, Sexy Bitches, I love reading them! Just like my Sniffies profile says, nothing is off limits: [email protected]

Dear Chad,

I live in a throuple. We’ve been a throuple for five years now, it’s been great! My husband and I were together for five years prior until we met our third. We love the throuple life, our families accept it, our friends love it, it just has been working. We do not have an open relationship outside of our little group. Here’s the issue, the last six months our third said he couldn’t sleep that well with us anymore and he started sleeping in the guest room. He also joined his own hiking group, and is taking diving lessons without us. He’s been leaving the house for these things and will stay out all day. He says nothing is up, but we are worried he’s pulling away.

Throuple Trouble

Dear Throuple Trouble,

The fact that anyone in today’s age is still able to share a bed at night is beyond me. I like to fuck, clean up, cuddle me for about 17 minutes, and then give me space. I like to snore, fart, stretch, you name it, without the company of someone right on top of me. Anywayyyy, you’ve all been together as a throuple for five years, so maybe he’s hitting that relationship plateau and is trying to keep himself active to keep his libido and energy up. Also, three people in a bed? After five years that could be a little suffocating. If you have rules that it’s a no-open-bed threesome, then you should trust that he isn’t fooling around UNLESS your sex relationships have changed. Just be open and ask him what’s up, put certain date nights on the calendar, make sure the sex is hot, and give him some space. Space is healthy, especially if he’s working out. If you guys are looking for a fourth, let me know. Fax me your credit report.

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Dear Chad,

I love my bestie. BUT, he can’t hold down a real job and because I’m in banking, I have more income to throw around. For years, it’s been the same, I’ve always grabbed the bill because he never had money. Now that we are older, it’s still an issue. The places we go to are more expensive and yet, every time we go out (which is many times a week), he orders top-shelf drinks and never pays the bill. Not even when we go to the movies, it’s just assumed I’m getting it. I’m looking to buy a house, I’m looking to travel to Europe, but literally hundreds of dollars a week are going out the window towards our nights out. What do I do?

Sugar Buddy

Dear Sugar Buddy,

Is it me, am I the friend? LOL. I don’t usually pay the bill, I just bat my eyelashes and wiggle my bubble butt. True story. Anywhooo. You got yourself in the rut by setting the precedent and not saying anything. Since nothing has changed over the years, then nothing has changed. Sounds like it’s time for you and your bestie to grow up. You need to get a pair and tell him to start paying his way. You can set it up by saying, “Hey! I’ll get us the first round!” or “Hey, I don’t mind getting you your first drink.” Just be clear that he is not getting a night out on you. If he can’t afford to join you for a night out because of his finances, you’ll have to start thinking of other friend stuff to start doing like going to the beach, watching movies at home, or blowjobs in the backseat…things that don’t cost money. LOL. He needs to grow up and realize that he needs to get his life together if he is going to continue to be your friend, clearly, you are moving on up. You guys are friends, so just say what you need to and set some rules down. He’ll understand. BUT, if you do need another sugar buddy, text me. I put out.

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Hi Chad,

I want to get circumcised. I know that uncut is becoming more popular but I still feel different about my dick. I’ve always wanted to cut dick. Should I do it?

Foreskin Freddy

Dear Foreskin Freddy,

Don’t be an idiot. Being uncut means your dick gets a million more points of pleasure because it is more sensitive. Fuck, cut guys are trying to regrow their foreskin. Also, two words – foreskin shots. Try one! LOL. If you do get the snip snip, be prepared for A LOT OF PAIN. My friend did it three years ago and says he wouldn’t do it ever again if he had to. The pain afterward was intense, he has lost feeling in part of his shaft, and he couldn’t have sex or get hard for months or else he’d split the stitches. They even gave him medication to keep him from getting hard. NO THANK YOU! Be proud of your hood and all the feeling it gives you. And most guys love chewing on a good foreskin. JUST CLEAN IT FOR GOD’S SAKE!