Bobby Beyond: The Laws Of Love And War

August 6, 2023
BOBBY BEYOND

Whether you’re arguing about something as small as doing the dishes, or gargantuan like infidelity, there are very bold lines that should be drawn in the sands of your relationship. A healthy couple will have likewise strategies for how they deal with turmoil. However, our modern society has spent the last few decades convincing us otherwise. Reality television, popular music, and other media of the like tell tales of vengeance, apathy, inflated ego, and so much more. I believe that there are many people who find genuine love with someone, but don’t know how to navigate the roadways. And as a new driver on the open road of love, novice relationships can feel like 4,000 lbs of steel speeding towards your heart head-on with the brakes cut. So buckle up, grab the wheel, and brace yourself; these are the laws of love and war.

Rule Number One: No Targeting Civilians. To put it plainly, don’t use your couple's debacle to attack someone who isn’t, and or shouldn’t be on the battlefield with you. This means friends, family, or anyone else who is present should never be fired at. This is the easiest way to make yourself not only the biggest enemy in the room, but also the most vulnerable to attack from another party. Speak calmly, state your feelings, and if necessary, take things into a private space. The best practice is to keep your battles away from innocent civilians, or else they might be next to declare war.

Rule Number Two: No Inhumane Treatment Of Detainees. Never, and I mean never launch degrading or previously handled missiles at your partner. This is not your chance to say mean things and blame it on “the heat of the moment”. Remember, words cannot be taken back. If you fought over something six months ago but found compromise and peace, leave that where it is. It’s simply not fair to attack your partner with nasty and malicious sentiments, especially when they’re already vulnerable. Stay focused, and deal with the task at hand. Is this one battle worth losing someone who could be the greatest love of your life?

Rule Number Three: No Attacking Hospitals Or Aid Workers. Friends and family alike just want to see their loved one in a safe and healthy space. In the event that someone pulls your partner out of the situation, do not attack them or try to intervene. Let them help, there’s nothing wrong with taking a break and resuming the discussion at a later time. If things get too heated, and especially if you’re further from the finish than the start, it may be time to take a breath.

Rule Number Four: Provide Safe Passage For Civilians To Flee. A smart move to avoid causing an even bigger scene is to allow people to clear the room. If this isn’t a possibility, find a private space to have your battle. But never hold people hostage to your petty antics. This same rule applies to your partner in how you should never hold them hostage either. If they feel unsafe or uncomfortable, set them free.

Rule Number Five: Provide Access To Humanitarian Organizations. Once the battle is nearing its completion, or over altogether, it’s necessary to start rebuilding bridges. One way is to offer to take your partner to a different space to stay such as their friend’s or family’s home. If things aren’t so bad, offer to go get takeout and watch a movie. The important thing is to focus on comfort and healing now. The air may still smell of smoke, however, the smell of a peaceful feast can clear the palate.

Rule Number Six: No Unnecessary Or Excessive Loss And Suffering. It’s imperative that you don’t take things too far. In modern times, it’s so easy to be digitally petty by unfriending, unfollowing, blocking, or even blasting someone online. Don’t take things to the internet for attention, this is a surefire way to end things in flames. Even though it may feel like everything is on fire, the embers will cool and the smoke will clear. But when they do, make sure there isn’t a gas can with your fingerprints on it.

Is all truly fair in love and war? The true test is to see if you can adhere to the laws of war when battling in love. The devastation levels can be lowered dramatically if you keep in mind that the other person is someone you love and care about, and they should be treated as such. Our tongues can launch missiles of great destruction, therefore we must learn to disengage from harmful strategies to win and focus on healthy pathways to resolution. If peace is our only passage to salvation, would you put down your weapon?

"There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do to make you feel my love." — Adele