Chad Talks Getting Verbal: Closed Holes Don’t Get Bred

February 26, 2023
CHAD

Hi, gay! Most of us have tried the apps, and you know which ones I’m talking about. The kind that can deliver a hung stranger directly to your door, or maybe a big cake when it’s not even your birthday. My favorite is Grindr because it’s straight to the point and I can see who’s closest to me, but most importantly, who’s ready to clap these cheeks right now. However in the era of “into?”, verbalizing what you want and, moreover, need to get you to the finish line can leave one feeling quite intimidated. In the age of technology, how can I tell my trade what mild or wild adventures I want to go on?

You can lead a hoe to water but you can’t make a hoe drink, or however that saying goes. In a nutshell, you can give your sexy-time partner a map to your destination but if you’re not specific enough or have those turn-by-turn directions disabled then they can easily get lost and then both of you are left feeling displeased! Girl, do not be scared to tell them what you want. If you like your nipples played with or licked a specific way, guide them to success. You spent all that time finding the right candidate for the job, now it’s time to train them for their duties. Put their ass to work and reward them for their efforts.

Closed holes don’t get bred, so use your words (especially the dirty ones). We all know taking initiative is hot as hell but respect and consent is the clear winner in any situation. Telling Mr. Right Now exactly what the play is will lead to an almost guaranteed touchdown on your field. Be specific about the speed and intensity so they know to lick, suck, or fuck slower, harder, faster, or softer. You can’t expect your guest to be psychic and read your mind. This leads me to my next point, don’t be ashamed of your own pleasure. “What if he’s not into it or it freaks him out?” My counterpoint to that is what if he is into it? Vanilla is an easy order in the moment but don’t expect every guy to always be game for every flavor. That’s why it’s best to disclose the more obscure kinks such as bondage, public, and watersports before you get that “here” text. Unless you’re communicating with the beyond, you may not know your late-night lover also enjoys getting fisted like a sock puppet too.

So how exactly can one break out of their shell? The first thing to remember is to not be shameful or embarrassed. Your fantasy might not be one guy’s cup of tea, but could be another’s tequila-soda. You miss 100% of the loads you don’t take, so shoot your shot, cowboy! It all starts with confidently asserting your desires. Stop talking with your eyes and use your lips. Try talking dirty to yourself in the mirror, or recording yourself for practice first. Then once you’re ready for showtime, try some easy ones. “Suck my dick”, “eat my hole”, or “we’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty” are some good appetizers. Now you’re ready to get nastier, be assertive, and hold eye contact. Pull out those adjectives and start saying what you’re seeing, feeling, tasting, and wanting. “Eat my tight hole” or “suck my big, hard cock” are always sexier than just “uhnnn” and “fuck yeah”.

Don’t rob your Peter to pay your Paula! Let’s be real, many bottoms like their dicks sucked and almost every top I’ve ridden to town enjoys a finger and a lick between the cheeks. Don’t be a cliché, think outside the position norms and go for the home run. Make Ariana proud and switch the positions for you, baby! Never feel boxed into cookie-cutter sex just because you agreed to bottom, or bragged about your top game. Coloring outside the lines can create the wildest and most unforgettable moments sure to stay in your spank bank for years to cum.

Got a question for me? Nothing is off-limits! Email me: [email protected] to get my advice.