F*cking With AJ Sloan: Opening Up While Keeping Jealousy Out

Everything is always changing, always in flux.  Language, architecture, any given face on any given Kardashian. New iPhones are released faster than I can break my current one and the price of a salad is double what it was ten years ago. Love and relationships are not left out of the mix. 

Every day, more and more people are beginning to identify as polyamorous (poly) and exploring open relationships. Both poly and open relationships have been around for quite some time but are having a comeback. Unsurprisingly, jealousy can rear its stupid f***ing face for some who have just begun to tip their toes in the poly pond.

So what do we do when we want to open things up with our boo partner? Is it possible to diminish or at least work through such unwelcome emotions? Are poly and open relationships just not meant for some folks? Let’s discuss.

"Lifeguard Duty" starring @DevinTrez @THEALPHAWOLFE1 and @AJSloanXXX

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— Adult Time (@Adulttimecom) September 19, 2022

There are countless ways of arranging and constructing relationships, varying over time and across cultures. Love, like many things, is a product of culture (gasp) and is likely in its infancy stages. In other words, love is a caveman with the potential of being a Nobel Peace prize winner and much much more. 

For the majority of several ancient cultures, people partnered not out of love but more for business purposes, motivated by power and resources. In more recent times, counter-cultural groups and other more open-minded communities have experimented with romantic and sexual dynamics outside of the standard monogamous duo. Today, many people are starting to question social mores that they once took as instinctual and giving in to other instincts they may have been attempting to ignore.

Let’s explore some different practices to avoid becoming a toxic little b**-... I mean, to avoid becoming jealous

 

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Whether it is a learned behavior or not, jealousy happens. Some people cannot help but feel heartbreak, betrayal, FOMO, or just pure organic jealousy with the knowledge that their partner has been sexually active with (fucked) someone else outside of their relationship.  Now as much as I’d love to just say “get over it you caveperson, one’s body is not property,” yada yada yada, my therapist says that that is not constructive language to use on the topic (or any), so I will take a stab at another, more understanding and supportive approach, I guess.

If you want to avoid jealousy, take a moment to understand your brand of this unpleasant emotion. Maybe some things make you jealous that others would be cool with, meanwhile, you are completely cool with pimping out your boyfriend in the backroom of the Eagle. To each their own, right?

If you are going to do the open relationship thing, know your triggers and DISCUSS them with your partner.  Furthermore, after identifying What makes you jealous, ask yourself why. Is it based on insecurities or fears of not being enough for your partner? Is it excessive pride? Narcissism? Lack of self-worth or confidence? Get to the goddamn root of the issue. The human mind has developed enough to be able to recognize and process our feelings and grow as a result. Don’t be lazy.

It’s all in the stroke
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@AJSloanXXX
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— REIGN (@reign__forever) March 12, 2022

Once you have done some self-exploration about how you feel and why you feel that particular way, it’s time to share with the class. Well, at least with your partner, at least. Tell your partner. If you chose wisely and not hastily, your partner will think no less of you and only understand you more. Be vulnerable. Be straightforward. You got this.  It can be difficult, but you and your relationship will only be better in the end. 

Time to talk about boundaries.  It is important to discuss both sexual and emotional boundaries before any hanky-pank ensues, so you don't set your relationship up for self-destruction. Have a conversation about what is allowed and not allowed, the more explicit the better. By having this conversation, hear what your partner would like to explore and yourself. Do not forget emotional boundaries as well (dates, sleepovers, etc).

Poly and open relationships come in all shapes and sizes, and can drastically vary from couple to couple (or throuple…). The only wrong way to go about an open relationship is to do so with any form of dishonesty or lack of communication. 

part 2 with @AaronTrainerXXX and @JesseXStone

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— ✌ ✨1/2 OFF OF ❤️‍ (@AJSloanXXX) August 13, 2022

Like anything that you are trying for the first time, you might find down the line that maybe something else works better for you guys, and that is cool. Checking in with each other is key, so make sure to schedule the time to do so.  Perhaps when you started you were only comfortable with threesomes with your partner but are now getting an itch to f*** the new French guy at the gym. Instead of harboring this desire to yourself, bring it up in a check-in. You may be surprised, your partner may have been thinking the same thing about the French guy’s Spanish husband. The bottom line, you won’t know unless you keep communication open and honest.

Phew! That was a doozy, and this is just the tip of the poly iceberg. If you are in a place where you or you and your partner are thinking about opening things up, I hope that this helped you out even in the slightest. But with anything, do your research, especially if you have more specific inquiries. And, if possible, ask a therapist or couples therapist. I love mine (not that way, BOUNDARIES) and always appreciate their input.

Until next time, keep an open mind

xx

AJ ✌ ❤️‍

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