The Greatest Leader of the American Revolution Was An Out Loud and Proud Homo

August 17, 2022
TOMMY

At the start of the American Revolution, the men of the Colonies who were gearing up to fight against the Crown were nothing more than a bunch of farmers, craftsmen, and tradesmen. They had no training; they had no understanding of military strategy; they were at times fighting against their own family members; and they were understandably scared shitless. General George Washington had a bitch of a task ahead of him, and he knew he needed to bring in an expert military mind to turn these farmers, lawyers, and print smiths into verifiable soldiers. Enter: Baron Friedrich Wilhelm August Heinrich Ferdinand von Steuben (which loosely translates from Old Prussian to "fuck me deeper, Sir").

Von Steuben had joined the Prussian military when he was 17 and became the personal aide to Frederick the Great. He fought in numerous battles, was injured multiple times, at one point a prisoner of the Russians, and eventually became a hero of the Seven Years War. Unfortunately, when the war ended, he was dismissed on the charges of sodomy in 1763, at which point he fled Germany. He lived briefly in France, where he met darling of Philadelphia, and preeminent Queer French whore... Benjamin Franklin. Franklin was on a mission for Washington specifically to find and recruit military experts and generals to help in the fight against the British.

Von Steuben's foppish tendencies and military dismissal were bits of info Franklin may have ignored when presenting him as an option to Washington, and instead he presented his case rooted in what an incredibly military man von Steuben was, writing about his "distinguished character and known abilities." In a few months' time, von Steuben turned the ragtag team of misfits into what would eventually become the largest, strongest, and most well-disciplined military in the known Universe. The man didn't even speak English and was quickly promoted to Inspector General.

General Washington standing with Johann De Kalb, Baron von Steuben, Kazimierz Pulaski, Tadeusz Kosciuszko, Lafayette, John Muhlenberg, and other officers during the Revolutionary War.
(Credit: Universal History Archive/UIG via Getty images)

Von Steuben not only taught the men how to properly "fight", but he also taught them all "how to be a military" and everything that entails. He taught the men how to properly set a tent, he taught them how to create and maintain proper supply lines, and, most importantly, how improve sanitation so as to avoid disease. He wrote "Regulations for the Order and Discipline of the Troops of the United States" which would become the defining handbook for the United States military for almost 100 years, and is still in print today.

But what of his gayness? How did that fare amongst the other men of the military, particularly the higher-ups? Well, although it was decidedly illegal, gay relationships were also incredibly common and generally accepted. It should also be remembered that we often have an impression of people in the 1700s being puritanical and sex being boring, etc. Von Steuben is a great example that we homos will always be a sexually adventurous bunch.

Von Steuben began to host dinner parties for his... shall we say... faves? One of his aides, Pierre-Étienne Du Ponceau wrote of one party at Valley Forge saying, “His aides invited a number of young officers to dine at our quarters... on condition that none should be admitted, that had on a whole pair of breeches.” You read that correct. Von Steuben's stipulation to attend this party was that you had to be partially or completely nude.

Drawing Credit: Josh Trujillo

But he wasn't just a man of lust, either. Von Steuben became incredibly close with men in the camp, most notably to William North and Benjamin Walker. The two were aides-de-camp who appear to have been a couple. Von Steuben lived with the two for two years in camp, and from all accounts became both romantically and sexually involved with North (if not both). Ready for this plot twist? After the war, Von Steuben moved to New York where he was granted U.S. citizenship, and he legally adopted the two young men as his "sons." This was a common go-around gay men of the time employed so that they could be a family. Writing of Von Steuben, North said, "We love him... and he deserves it for he loves us tenderly.”

They three lived as a family with North and Walker managing von Steuben's finances. Upon his death in 1794, the two inherited his estate. Ever the poly group, von Steuben also had a relationship with John Mulligan who was von Steuben’s secretary. He inherited his library and a bit of money.

The United States would not be where it is today if it hadn't been for the strength and resilience of the men and women of the American Revolution, and they would not have become a proper army had it not been for one homo named Baron Friedrich Wilhelm August Heinrich Ferdinand von Steuben. For all its toxically masculine bullshit, and all the Don't Ask Don't Tell nonsense, let's never forget that this country would not exist the way it does today if it weren't for a gay man.