Porn Stars In Plastic: The Engooping Of Johnny Hazzard

Take a look at your favorite dildo. (Go ahead, we'll wait.) Now, tell us: is it made from sensual and firm "SensaFirm Material"? Is it hand painted, with attention paid to every vein and crevice? Is it eight inches long and six inches around and molded from the cock of one of your favorite porn stars? Then you may already know the pleasures of the Johnny Hazzard Cock! But did you also know that this delectable schlong substitute has a dark side? It's true! On his blog, the owner of the prototype looks back on the fateful day of his engooping in 2005 and recounts the harrowing story of its creation, which involved one hospital gown, one gang of technicians of non-English-speaking origin, and abundant fluorescent lighting. Imagine trying to maintain a full erection during a root canal, and that's pretty much what our man had to endure ...

You see, the mixture of magic goo they use is only good for like 3 minutes before the zenith of activation is over and it must be thrown out if the mold was not cast successfully. I also have to stay really hard for about a minute while the plaster is setting on me to ensure that the mold is accurate and set. This was beginning to scare me. I had no idea how I was going to get trough this. Not only was I fishing for stimulation in the deepest recesses of my brain but I had less than 3 minutes to do it and hope to God it's hot enough to keep my pecker at full attention long enough for this mold to set.

Of course as we all know: Johnny's pain is our gain. (And also: pain!)

• "The Fruit of My Loins" (hazzardahead.com)
• Johnny Hazzard Cock (channel1releasing.com)