When It’s Time To Breakup: Gay Love and Romance

When It's Time To Breakup: Gay Love and Romance

We don't like to see any of our gays breakup. But life happens, things happen, people change, and sometimes, even after everything has been talked about and tried, it is time to pull the plug on a relationship. Unfortunately, many of us stay in a relationship that just isn't working because we think it is too much effort to end, or we are afraid of the stigma of having a failed relationship. We like to put up smoke and mirrors and pretend we have a perfect relationship, but no relationship is perfect and not all relationships are made to last. Sometimes, we learn about ourselves and love from a failed relationship, and we can move on in a positive way taking away some life lessons. Just because it is time to breakup doesn't mean you have to leave the relationship fighting or that you don't love the person anymore, but sometimes it is good to know when the time has come.

Every relationship will have a lull or a rough patch. But when that time of not getting along, fighting, isolation, bad sex, or even ignoring the other person goes too long, it is probably time to breakup. You know when you just aren't happy, you know if your partner just isn't happy. You continue to put up with this kind of relationship day after day and just are going through it with blinders, knowing you aren't happy but not doing anything about it. The biggest indicator for this is if you guys are constantly bickering. From not washing the dishes right, to spending too much money at Target, for forgetting to put the toilet seat down, even the littlest thing can set either one of you off. You become that couple that no one wants to be around because you are at each other's throat, even at Sunday brunch. If you aren't happy, it's time to make a choice.

Things happen in life that can add stress to a relationship. Money issues, job changes, body changes, family pressures, boredom, hormone levels, and more are all contributors to making things rocky. This can affect your romantic and sexual relationship. Are these changes long-lasting, are they things that you can maneuver around? If not, it might be time for a breakup.

Have you found out your partner did something without your knowledge? Hooked up with someone else? Spent a large amount of money on something and didn't tell you? Lied about where they were going? Started talking to an ex? Are you finding your level of trust in question or shattered when it comes to your partner? No relationship can exist without trust. Especially if you have an open relationship, trust is key. If you don't have trust in your partner and you have valid reasons to lose that trust, it may be time to breakup. Trust is very hard to earn back. This goes hand in hand if one of you starts cheating. A number of relationships have hall passes or that are open, but if you are hooking up, even emotionally, with someone else and you aren't telling your significant other, even though you are supposed to, that is probably a good sign that you are done with the relationship and don't have respect for it anymore.

If your partner becomes physically or emotionally abusive, don't even think two seconds about it...pack up and get the eff out.  There is not amount of thinking or working through this that would make this situation ok. At this point, it isn't even about a breakup, it is about putting yourself at risk. No one deserves to be treated that way. It is never ok.

There is the old joke and assumption that long-term relationships just don't have sex anymore. This is not true. Sex is an important factor in a relationship and if you find yourself not touching your man or not wanting to, that is a red flag. There are sexual health conditions that could affect bedroom time. Getting older can change hormone levels, getting out of shape can affect attraction, or stress can put you out of the mood. These things can be dealt with. You and your partner should have an open enough communication to talk about your sexual needs. As a relationship goes on, it isn't just about the sex but is about the emotional bond that is created when you have continued physical contact with your loved one. But yes, you should still be having sex. Maybe not a hundred times a week like when you first met, but there shouldn't be cobwebs in your bed.

As a relationship progresses and as we get older, our life goals and choices can change. Do you want to start a family? Do you want to scrimp and save for a house? Do you want to continue your party life and your boo wants to stay home and watch Drag Race? Do you want to move from place to place to explore life? Do you want to give up your banking job and become a clown? Sometimes we make life choices that just aren't compatible with our partners, or vice versa. If you have a life dream, you shouldn't sacrifice it for anyone. Of course, there are compromises in any relationship, but staying in a situation where you can't live your dreams or be yourself is going to cause resentment and unhappiness. Sometimes we want to go in a life direction that is dependent on a relationship breakup. No harm no foul, people change.

As we said at the beginning of this column, a breakup doesn't have to be terrible. If you feel in love with someone, you must have liked them at some point. A breakup can be healthy for both parties and you can move forward happier and having learned something.

What are you red flags when it comes to thinking about a breakup?

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