Telling A Hookup You’re Not Interested: How To, the Gay Way

Telling A HookUp You're Not Interested: How To, the Gay Way

Not all of us gays are mean girls, and sometimes when we don't want to hookup or we are done hooking up with someone, we want to let them down easily. Instead of just ghosting, blocking, or slamming the door, we want to be gentlemanly about it. We all have been on the receiving end (except Henry Cavill) of someone not wanting to jump on our D, so we can be a bit nicer about it when we do it to someone else. Here are some tips for telling a hookup you just aren't that into him.

First things first. If someone is making you feel uncomfortable, being creepy, or being super offensive or aggressive, you have no obligation to be a gentleman to a potential hookup. This includes a physical advance in person if it is unsolicited. At all. Block, ghost, whatever, all manners are off the table if a guy acts that way to you. Ok, moving on.

 

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Thank you!

If someone makes an advance, sends you a Grindr message, or approaches you at a club with the intention of a hookup, thank them first, even if you aren't interested. It can be a simple sentence, "Thank you for the compliment, I am flattered and really appreciate it." It starts the crushing blow with a nicety.

Be Honest

Don't make a fake rejection excuse. Like, I have diarrhea, my anus is titled, I would but I'm running late, whatever a fake excuse may be. It will come across as insincere and it isn't a firm rejection. Be firm in your saying no to a hookup, it will be easier for them to deal with in the long run. Being firm sets a boundary, if they persist, then they are being a creep. Just say, "It's just not a good fit for me," or, "It's just not something I want to continue doing right now."

Sorry, Not Sorry

Don't apologize for saying no. It may seem like the nice thing to do, but you aren't sorry and again, we are trying to be as sincere as possible because that is the polite thing to do. You aren't sorry you won't hookup with them, you don't want to. Just because you aren't into them doesn't mean you need to be subservient or apologetic. "I'm not interested but I do appreciate the offer."

Don't Make It Awkward

If you are saying no to a hookup on an app, you don't really need to continue a conversation. You've been polite and everyone should move on. If someone approaches you in public or in a friendship circle, you don't need to go out of your way to avoid them after saying no. It will make it awkward and even worse. You can be casually friendly and move on from any hookup talk.

 

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Compliment

If you've been hooking up with them and want to stop, give them a compliment. You obviously hooked up with them for a reason (even if you were tipsy), so there must have been something. Just say, "Thank you, it was fun, I just don't feel the same right now." "Thank you for a fun time, I just want to be friends." And for the one-night stand who keeps calling, "Thank you for a fun night, that was just a one-time thing for me, I hope you understand."

Be gentle out there, gay dating is hard, and a gay hookup can be harder (in many ways).

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