The Guide to Having Friends with Benefits: Chad Speaks

December 3, 2024
ALEXANDER

The Guide to Having Friends with Benefits: Chad Speaks

Hello, All You Sexies!

I can't count the times that I have been asked about handling friends with benefits in my advice column, Ask Chad. So, just in time for the holidays, I wanted to address just how to fuck your friends and not ruin the Christmas party. LOL. Trust me, I have a lot of personal experience with this. As we all know, I can go from relationship to relationship, bed to bed, hookup to hookup. But I have always held my friend circle close and constant, especially if they have the good D. The reality is that some of us gays just can't handle the boundaries needed to keep a friendship a friendship and a good lay a good lay. Some can't mix the two, there's an art to it so here are my best tips and practices to be able to keep on having brunch with your besties even if you are dicking them down the night before.

Set the Expectations

Make sure your guy knows what your expectations are. Are you looking for that friend who can be a booty call in the middle of the night? Are you looking for that friend who can come over Friday and cuddle and then fuck then watch a movie then fuck then cuddle again? Do you want a regular thing or just a spur-of-the-moment thing? Are you on the other side of it and your friend wants a hookup relationship with you but you are looking for something more deep and constant? You need to put that all out there at the beginning before you become friends with benefits.

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Boundaries, Bitch!

Establish your boundaries and stick to them and make sure they stick to them. Should they be texting you twenty times a day? Should they be showing up at your house unannounced? Should they be able to spend the night? Will you be telling each other about other people you are dating? What happens when one of you finds a boyfriend? Are you going to be telling your other friends that you are hooking up? Think about all of these scenarios and map out what is acceptable and what is not.

Open Your Mouth!

I don't mean open your mouth to swallow his 8 inches, I'm talking about using your mouth to communicate throughout the friends with benefits stage. Sometimes friends get the feels and start getting jealous or demanding. The danger of sleeping with your friends is that sometimes dating and boyfriend feelings start to develop. You have to be able to talk openly with your friend about your feelings. If you are starting to get the feels, if you are feeling that they are getting too close, if their cum tastes bad, you should be able to talk about it all at any point in your hooking up.

Friendship First

There's also a danger in this kind of set up that the energy and time will shift over to just sex. Remember you are friends first. If you spend your time going out to the clubs, brunch, shopping, going to the gym, or watching TV together, make sure you keep that aspect up. Chances are the sex will go away, but the friendship should not. Keeping up the friendship side of it will also keep some of the sexual intimacy that can lead to feelings at bay.

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Sexy PrEP

When you are in a friends with benefits relationship, chances are you sleeping around with others. Even if you are fucking your bestie, you still need to take precautions like PrEP and Doxy, no exceptions. While you might want to share a night of watching Drag Race, you don't want to be sharing STIs. Before Doxy was available, I had a close friend who said we didn't need to use protection because we were so close. Girl, gonorrhea isn't a gift I want for Christmas.

Jealousy

When you or your friend start to feel jealous or start getting a bit possessive of your time and other relationships, that's a major red flag. When entering a friends with benefits situation, you have to let all of that go out the window. You aren't dating, you aren't boyfriends, and you have no claim to your friend's life. You are sharing dick and a cup of coffee, not a love affair. This should be a casual setup.

Saying Goodbye

When jealousy or feelings creep in, it may be time to say goodbye to the sex. You shouldn't feel trapped or obligated to dick down your friend if it starts getting weird. You have to know when it has played its course and the thrill is gone, you meet someone substantial, or it gets to be too much. It should be a very casual and easy thing to say no more. Sex is sex, but at least you have your friendship!