It’s Time to Play 2 Truths, 1 Lie: Celebs on Grindr Edition!

September 28, 2023
AJ SLOAN

It’s 2023, and there are three apps you are sure to find on every gay man’s cell: Twitter (or X Or whatever the f*ck they’re calling it this week), the Secret Photo Vault (for all of those hole pics), and— say it with me, class! — Grindr. Grindr might have been slut-shamed a bit when it first hit the App Store back in 2009, but today it’s as common as a gluten-free menu at brunch. Grindr is quite literally the Door Dash of dick.

With the convenience of wetting your penis palette without leaving the comfort of your home, who wouldn’t use this nifty little thing? Being the resource that it is, you’d be surprised (or not) to find out which celebs out there have had a go at the grid. I felt that simply listing these off to you would be a bit too dull, so I’m going to go at it the way any himbo with the intellect of a My Little Pony-hoarding lip gloss junky would — 2 TRUTHS, ONE LIE.

Joel Kim Booster

I heard a rumor that in a Grindr 69 Questions video, comedian and actor Joel Kim Booster spilled some tea on using the gay hookup app on more than a few occasions. When Booster was asked about whether his fellow gays should admit to knowing who he is while messaging on Grindr, he was more than all about it. “If you’re aware of my identity, it’s your legal obligation to notify me.” Yes sir! Any other orders, Mr. Booster? I'll be sub AF for you any damn day.

Years and Years’ Olly Alexander

While chatting with GQ, Olly Alexander may or may not have spilled the beans about his Grindr sex-capades. The Years & Years singer confessed, “When I found myself single again, I decided to dip my toes into Grindr waters.” But things got a bit bizarre because, as he puts it, “People thought I was catfishing myself, which was quite the mind twist. Or they’d go, ‘Oh, I’m your biggest fan.’ And that’s not exactly a mood enhancer, so it didn’t exactly set my world on fire.” Moral of the story: if you think you may be the victim of catfishing and the photos are of Olly Alexander, it’s because you’re talking to Olly Alexander and you’re not getting catfished. Get that dick, homie.

Mike Pence

Former Vice President Mike Pence is no stranger to the infamously famous gay hook-up app. Surfacing from a recent row he had with his wife Karen Pence (which she later uploaded to her TikTok account) Mike, who also answers to his Grinder handle, “Salt-N-Pepper Bitch Daddy,” can be heard whimpering, “Look, I’ll just call Epstein and he’ll take care of it again. He’ll bury it deeper than Donald did Ivana!” According to Mrs. Pence’s captions, this was in response to her discovering that Mike had lost yet another $50k to his growing FinDom addiction. One comment from @Sashay4Pay reads, “F*CK loan forgiveness, your husband paid me 5k per dick pic! Oink-oink, bichezzz!” Looks like all of those years of humiliation finally reached Mike’s crotch, the poor thing.

Another comment by @ollyalexander reads, "And tell your twat of a husband that no, he wasn't being catfished and no, I will not ridicule his unbelievably small nub of a penis." Way to kick a man when he's down, Olly.

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So, what will it be, folks? Can you spot the real deal from the Walmart polyester hairpiece? Two are true and one I pulled out of my squeaky clean ass. Who's to say...

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