Horny for Furniture, Twin Brothers, and Poppers: This Week’s Ask Chad

Hello, my loves. How have you been keeping busy? I myself explored all the wonders great and small offered at the Folsom Street Fair. Perhaps you saw me getting whipped on the St. Andrew's Cross or hooded at the pup party, tail wagging for every cute boy that passed. Or maybe, just maybe you're one of the six guys me and Daddy invited back to his five-star suite for the after-party, which stretched on for nearly 6 hours (humble brag). Or you're boring, you didn't go, but you sure saw pics on Insta. And that's fine too.

This week your questions were outrageous and I LIVED. Keep 'em coming! As my Sniffies profile says: Nothing is off limits: [email protected]

I need some advice. I'm a furniturephile which is someone who is sexually attracted to furniture such as tables, couches, beds, etc. Yesterday I was over at my neighbor's house and saw the most attractive chair I've ever seen in my life, he had the biggest back pillow, sturdy legs, and a gorgeous yellow paint job. And as if it was a wish come true my neighbor asked me if I wanted to watch his house for the weekend. So my question is, should I spray furniture polish onto my penis, would it make fucking the chair easier and more stress-free for the chair?

Signed, Otto-man
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Dear Chad. I think I'm becoming addicted to poppers. Is that even a thing? I can't even jerk off anymore without a whiff or two to get me going. As for hookin' up, I won't even message a guy back who isn't into poppers. I bring them to parties, clubs, and even on my jogs in case it gets cruisy. Am I doing damage? What should I do to stop my obsession?

- The King of Pop(pers)
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Hey Chad. The guy I'm "talking to" has a twin brother. Also gay. I've asked him if they ever fooled around and he gets all weird. He doesn't deny it, but he never tells me anything about it. The twin is coming to visit him in October and I stay there most weekends anyway...so I guess I'm asking, how do I make this threesome happen?

Thanks,
Twin Bedding

Click here to see how I answered!

Got a question for me? Nothing is off-limits! Email me: [email protected]. Until next time!