A Brand, Nude Me! Three Pro-Tips for Pornstar Quality Nudes and Dick Pics

Flush the toilet first. Close the lid of the toilet. We don’t need all that extra activity in the photograph. If it’s a mirror selfie, clean the mirror. Be a grown up. Put some effort into your nude. It’s your business card. Why represent yourself poorly? Nudes are also the currency. The business of “getting down to business”. I am here to show you the way, to shed some light onto that dusty hole, dressed in cobwebs, gasping for life: abandoned, unkempt. Here are some pro-tips for taking and distributing some really stellar nudes.

"Evergreen Full Frontal Mirror Selfie” Photo courtesy of Eddie Danger

#1: Boost the Quality!

Grainy photos are unacceptable. Poorly lit photos are unacceptable. There is no use in obscuring reality. Use a quality photo. Edit the photo if you must, but do not misrepresent yourself. Rejection hurts more if it’s in person. It is best to remain honest.

So many fools carry on using the same nudes from 2004 over on Grindr. They look like they’ve been downloaded from a defunct Myspace server, recovered from the wreckage of their DMs. I want to believe that the photo has been taken within the last decade. So, keep it fresh and honest.

The clearer the photos, the faster you’ll get a response on a hookup app. A great photograph goes a long way. Try to put some effort into making everything look appetizing. You’re trying to get someone to put their mouth on you. Try to look clean. Genitals are shocking enough. Get a soft box for lighting. They’re cheap on Amazon. It’ll soften the rough edges and display everything that makes you shine. Even a ring light would be an improvement over the unpredictability of the phone flash light or the gross living-room lighting that most people use.

Drag that carcass into the light and discover what you look like to other people, what looks best on you, and focus on accentuating that feature. Get to know your naked body. There is nothing sexier than confidence. You have to be confident in your product if you expect someone to buy it. Take that approach. Sell your nudes.

Quality lighting will make your pussy sparkle. If you’re photographing a dick, photograph it like it’s a product. After all, it is a tool to be used. Focus on texture. If someone is into fur, get that texture, baby. If someone likes a smooth hole, show off that sheen! May the ridges of your butthole be a sun-kissed landscape, Great Plains for a cowboy. Does she like your vag tight and demure or dripping with anticipation? Rock solid, veiny monster cock? Show them what they want to see.

#2: Know Your Audience!

Before you press send, consider the nature of your relationship with this person. Identify the parameters that we’re working with. Are you looking for a hot, anonymous hookup? Then, be direct. Get to the point. Focus on being as honest and forward with what you can offer, what you want, and how you want it. Communicate that with your nudes.

If you’re trying to approach the relationship with a little more sensitivity, ask yourself what you really want out of sending your nudes. Ask yourself what type of relationship you’re looking for in the future. Do you think it’s a good idea to share a video of yourself with another person? What does that imply about your ability to keep private content to yourself? Do they want to see a photograph of my hole filled with someone else’s cum? Or should I keep things between us JUST between us? Where do we draw that line? I would start with keeping things solo until the nature of the relationship is more fleshed out. There’s a dance to sexting. It can be fun.

With your audience in mind, decide on the appropriate angle. What is your audience looking for? Do they like your thick, meaty cock? Are they hungry to feel those round cheeks smashed against their face? Do they want to see you get fisted? Are they into your rolls or bone structure? What is it that your partner is into? What will drive them nuts? Do they like the view from beneath your cock, hard/soft/half-chub/pre-cum drip? Does your future fuck buddy expect to get a clear view from behind? Focus on advertising the type of experience that you are willing to offer to that person and sell it to them.

#3: Shipping & Handling

Keep in mind that there’s a good chance that other people will see your private photos and videos. I can’t tell you how many times someone has been bragging to me about their wild sex life, shoving their phone in my face, so that I can see the stranger’s nudes like it is some sort of trophy. It’s common. It’s annoying. But, it’s a reminder that nudes rarely stay exclusively between sender and receiver.

The manner by which the nude is delivered is also very telling. Do you want this person to return to your photo and hype up for the encounter? Then don’t make it a limited time snap. I hate those. If someone sends me a nude as a limited/expiring photo or video that I can only view once and for a few seconds, I’ll put it off until I can focus on the image. It stresses me out.

“Aren’t obscured, blurry, time-limited photos annoying?” Photo Courtesy of Eddie Danger’s Twitter-Automated JustFor.Fans Advertisement

I’d prefer to receive a photograph that I can return to. I’ll go back and look at the nudes that someone has sent me to get myself pumped to see them again. Having porn around absolutely makes the sex better in my opinion. If you want somebody to be crazy about you, provide them with the tools that they need. If it’s a quality photo, you could keep someone jerking off to you for weeks at a time. That’s a ton of time you’re spending in their thoughts. That’s the point, right?

"Not afraid to show a little crack. I’d let you eat my ass if you want.” Original Photography Courtesy of Eddie Danger

Follow Eddie Danger on Twitter, Instagram or JustForFans and get to know him better in this Q&A.

Questions? Comments? Email [email protected].