The Man Who Calls Time Out Pulls Me Out: How Zack Morris Became My Sexual Awakening

Every Queer has a memory of the first time they were attracted to the same sex. We can certainly look back and see all of the early influences that broadened our understanding of sexuality (I’m looking at you David Bowie, Wilson Cruz, the entire cast of Zoobilee Zoo…what?), but we can all more specifically look back at a moment where we had a realization that we were attracted to the same sex.

For most, that probably happened in tandem with puberty. Many-a-Queer never even experienced opposite sex attraction. “Never. The second I hit puberty I only wanted to fuck the same sex,” they’ll say. For some of us, though, it wasn’t that simple. Once I started feeling sexual, I definitely saw the allure of “the other.” After all, women had things I didn’t! That was fun. But as quickly as Kelly Kapowski caught my intrigue, I have a vivid memory of panning my vision a few inches to the left where she was making out with Zack on chair. The scandal. The intrigue. The pure sexual energy.

Sure, Kelly was hot, but more importantly Kelly found Zack hot! What was it about him? We both have blonde hair. Does that mean Kelly Kapowski would make out with me?! What is making out anyway? Would I make out with Zack? Lol, no. That’s weird. I’d make out with Kelly, right?…right?

From there, I started really paying close attention to Zack. He was the pinnacle of cool in the '90s. He was hot, he was funny, he concocted various business endeavors to get the things he wanted, he dated all the hotties, and he could quite literally stop time. I didn’t realize until later in life just how manipulative and problematic the character was, but back then I didn’t care. All I knew was that my heart was having a Zack Attack.

Seeing myself in Zack (blonde-blue guys in the suburbs who are realizing their sexualness) immediately paved the way to then take note of the rest of the men of the cast/world. As soon as I saw Zack as sexual, I immediately noticed AC Slater, the miscellaneous high school jocks, and yes, even to some weird degree, Screech. In fact, looking back, aside from one blonde-blue guy I dated (I see you, Alex), Zack Morris is one of the few men I've been sexually attracted to who also kinda looks like me. Since then, it’s been darker features ftw.

With the critically acclaimed Queer-forward Saved By the Bell reboot, the roaring 2020s have a new era of Zack Morris to look forward to (one in which he does nude photoshoots, thank god!). Who knows if I’ll ever end up with “the one” or just a series of romantic vignettes, but whoever I encounter, a prerequisite is definitely being able to stop time, and they better have a huge…cellphone.

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