Curves Ahead! Biden Picks Pete Buttigieg For Transportation Secretary!

December 16, 2020
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Obese-dumpered big -dicked king of Skindiana herself, Pete Buttigieg, just nailed a position in President Biden's cabinet! This makes him the first openly gay person to lead a president's cabinet position. Eva. Making history and looking damn fine in the process. That's my boo-ttigieg.

And let me be the first to warn you: Curves ahead! That's right. Pete Buttigieg will serve as the transportation secretary! Trains. Tunnels. Pistons. Lube. It all just makes sense. In all seriousness, while the former mayor of half an acre of a cornfield in Indiana might not seem like the natural pick for transportation secretary, Buttigieg is a policy nerd and has been passionate about transportation from the get-go. In fact, according to Politico...

He was one of the first presidential primary candidates to put out an infrastructure plan, a detailed proposal which touted a vehicle miles traveled fee and road safety — subjects usually reserved for policy wonks.

The only thing that's wonky is the way I'll be walking after Pete slaps me around with his big fat policy. CNN states that while the position isn't one of the most glamorous ones a presidency has to offer, it will afford Pete the opportunity to get in front of the camera, especially since as of now he's the only cabinet member who excels in that arena:

It's hard to argue with the fact that he's very good on TV. And any successful administration has to have people who can go on cable and Sunday talk shows to sell its priorities. Which puts Buttigieg in prime position to be one of the best-known public faces of the administration.

In front of the camera just so happens to be where I want Pete to be. No, not just so I can daydream about our upcoming nuptials. It's because I had an extremely limited number of openly gay role models while growing up, and the fact that little gay boys can now look up to someone in the damn presidency - who the president once compared to his beloved son (when Buttigieg suspended his campaign in March Biden compared Pete to his son, Beau, saying it's "the highest compliment I can give any man or woman" tear) - is a massive step in the right direction. A step almost as massive... as dat dick.

How big is it Pete?...