Reasons Why Pornstars Make Us Burn with Envy

*Sigh* Sometimes we watch porn and think, "Wow! Hottest Sex Ever!" Sometimes we watch and cry, "Waaaa! Why can't that be us?" Porn fulfills all the fantasies we rarely get in real life. Dammit! It's not fair! Here's a few things that make us terribly jealous of the sex-filled lives of pornstars.

1. Glistening, Shiny Skin
We can scrub, chemical peel, and moisturize 24/7 and our skin never looks as pristine as porcelain. Sure, if we could photoshop ourselves, tote around a light crew, and rub on a light layer of baby oil, perhaps we could shine. Porn makes it looks so frickin' easy!

2. Naked Men Using Gym Equipment
The gym is a bee's nest of studs we want to sting us. Sadly, we must only imagine them naked underneath their tanks, tees and shorts as they do the bench press. Naked gyms only exist in porn world and, dammit, why can't we sign up for a membership in real life?! Not! Fair!

3. Sex with Athletes
We know there are gay athletes out there, but most of our hook-ups are sipping cocktails at the local lounge bar trading bitchy asides about that lying cunt Kyan in the corner. Oh, to meet a bona fide athlete still wearing his gear as he lets us take full advantage. This only happens to pornstars, dammit! What about us?!

4. Trading BJs with a Military Man
We've come close to hooking up with a few guys from our armed forces, but alas, never have. It happens to pornstars every day! To not be able to fuck the brave men and women who fight for justice? It's an injustice!

5. Authentic College Boy Dorm Room Dude Orgies
These happen twice a week, according to sites like HazeHim.com! That a lot of genuine videos submitted by real life frat boys who occasionally pop up on other porn sites. Why won't this ever happen to us? In our university dormitory, the guys only hooked up with gals, nary an all-male orgy to be found. Maybe if our on campus housing housed such shenanigans, we've have aced Bio 101 along with Intro to Musical Theatre. Pornstars are so lucky! Color us green.

· Photos via AlphaMaleFuckers.com,
NextDoorMale.com,
SexGaymes.com,
ActiveDuty.com and
HazeHim.com.