The Twinks of “Ski Camp” Melt Our Snow and Minds

It's Episode Four of "Ski Camp," where sometimes shirtless, often frivolous twinks compete for some vague prize during New Zealand's Ski Week. By "compete" we mean "out pretty each other." In the next to last episode, we get more almost-nudity, and realize while twinks are nice to look at, listening to them is another story.

If you have a burning urge to catch up, we already covered Episodes One and Two. We skipped Episode Three because the only flesh was of Brodie (or Dan or Adam?) in bed, in undies, covering up his crotch. Zzzzzzz...

We demand nudity, so Episode Four brings in a close approximation with a pool party. Those must be some warm winters in Queensland, because, despite this being a skiing competition, everyone's in speedos and tank tops. While lounging about the pool, three elder gays, trying to control their drool, ask the competing twinks questions to boot one off based off of their answers. These highly provocative questions are "Which other competitor would you date?" and "What is your best feature?" Final Jeopardy's got nuttin' over this hard-hitting elimination round.

Dark-haired Dan, easily the most charming of the group, says he would date Brodie, who owns the very dictionary definition of gayface. Brodie, in typical shallow queen style, interprets the innocent term "date" as "wanting to have hot nasty sexy with." God, it's remarkable how these club bunnies have the delusional belief that the slightest acknowledgement, all the way down to a mere "hello," is a sexual advance. Brodie needs to seriously get over himself.

Well, this is a "competition," so the three elder gays have to evict a bitch. Mike is shown the elimination door because the judges disapproved that his best feature is his smile. Why was this disagreeable to them? We bet they saw his best feature as being further south. Mike's earth is shattered, and gets riled up because he was judged off on something that has absolutely nothing to do with his skiing capability. The show, he bitterly points out, is called "Ski camp." Finally, a queen who has a point.

Spoiler Alert: Now it's between Dan, Brodie and Kirk. Oops, Brodie loses by coming in third in a snow race. He really loses for pompously thinking Dan whats to plow him deep and hard, when Dan merely said he'd hypothetically "date" him in response to a judge's question. Yes, we can't get over that.

Oh, but there's a nail-biting twist. You get to decide who wins: Dan, who seems the most level-headed; or Kirk, who is the boyfriend of instructor Nick, which hardly seems fair.

Dan gets our vote. Who gets yours? The fate of two twinks depends on you!

· Who'll Be Ski Camp's Champ? (samesame.com.au)