Your Shirtless Celebrity Roundup are Some Badass Mothah-Fuckahs

Yo, yo, playah! If you thought that that cat Shaft was a bad mother (Shut your mouth!), then you haven't checked out this week's Shirtless Celebrity Roundup. Hot honchos from Alan Tudyk to Tito OritZ have been busting butts by sheer force of their macho manliness. Let's see who you wouldn't want to battle in a dark alley...or maybe you would.

Unless you've been watching ersatz "American Idol" contest "The Voice," you may not know Adam Levine, one of the judges. With his sexy as sin body (despite the rough trade tatts), we're glad to know him, indeed. He yearns to relate to us homosexuals—how?—by revealing he has a gay brother! "We knew when he was two," Adam tells Out Magazine in his recent interview. Did his infant sibling refuse to eat his mushed bananas until they stuck in the CD to "Like a Virgin?"

Actor Alan Tudyk strikes a badass pose in this photo he tweeted with the description, "I'm the color of a Slimjim with the aroma of Velvita." Did he mean Velveeta, or this crackpot sexual enhancement drug made from deer antler velvet? And what would that smell like? Anyway, the sight of an orange Alan will sexually enhance someone, we're sure.

Could we ever tire of hardcore footballer David Beckham? We've been pining for the beach bum so long, we'll probably keep going on auto-lust-pilot until every inch of him is covered in his increasingly parasitic tattoos.

Long time Buffy fave Marc Blucas is back in action in TV show "Necessary Roughness." It's about the testosterone-pumped world of football (yawn!), so we won't be watching, unless every episode promises meaty Marc in a jock!

Speaking of guys we want to see in jocks, rugger Nick Youngquest can hand us his dirty ones after every match. If there's any cool cat among today's men, gay ally Nick is our pick.

Meeeow! Shemar Moore reveals abs that you could probably hurl bricks at without doing damage. If Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino had an abs war with that stomach, Shemar would beat him to a greasy pulp with just a few carefully timed crunches.

Badassery gets violent as Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson busts out his big guns (and a pistol, too) on the set of "G.I. Joe."

If anyone could legitimately whoop ass, it's Tito Ortiz, the mixed martial arts champion who shared his flaccid wooden block with the world. We'd be more than willing to let him karate chop our ass.