Your Shirtless Celebrity Roundup Is Too Sexy for This Blog

Hollywood's boys are struttin' their sexiness this week. One dude was offered a job by for-the-ladies strip legend Chippendales. One is a former child actor who's grown up to be a major adult hottie. Another is working his see through mesh-tank top to the hilt. They're acting like models, you know what I mean.

Who'd've ever thought we'd hear from the precocious spectacled kid from 1996's "Jerry Maguire" again? His name's Johnathan Lipnicki and he's back in the spotlight. No more a little boy, this dude has worked out hard to become all man, revealing his cut and sweaty body in a new set of photos that set the interwebs abuzz this week. He had us at "abs."

Whoever is Kris Humphries's publicist has been doing a bang-up job. He should've been already tossed in the dumpster of has-beens, but he's still in the news. Boylesque dance team Chippendales has offered him a job as MC of their Vegas bump-and-grind fest. Chippendales says:

We figured since he was unemployed and the soon-to-be ex-husband of Kim Kardashian, a gig at Chippendales might be the perfect job to help restore his faith in women.

It's refreshing to know that the naked man revue is so concerned for the emotional well-being of its employees.

Michael Trevino of "The Vampire Diaries" takes us behind the scenes of his underwear shoot for Bench Body, and what a body he has! There should be footage of his changing his underwear. Based on the bulge showing, he's got nothing to be shy about. It's unreal, more unreal than the footage of traffic-less L.A. freeways!

Jared Leto parties hard in a see-thru black mesh tank top. Black mesh was barely fashionable in the 80s, and even the increasingly tasteless hipsters won't touch it. Maybe Jared's dressing like a 18-year-old clubkid thanks to a midlife crisis. Yes, he turns 40 next month!

Jeremy Sisto showers in an episode of new ABC comedy "Suburgatory," yet another TV show about congenial, yet bumbling middle class families in the suburbs. Sisto plays a divorced father who moves from the big city to the suburbs for a happier life. Yet the title suggests he's slowly rotting inside. Happier, my ass.

At least "Suburgatory" has Alan Tudyk, who we find irresistibly sexy despite not being traditionally handsome. He's like the slightly ruffled daddy we see pushing a stroller on the Upper West Side who'd be perfect to sit on the couch with while watching a late night film.

In the Dept. of Tsk-tsking: What happened to Kevin Federline? He was dirty boy sexy back in his days with Britney, but now...uh...he's a perfect lust object for all the bear lovers out in the world. If only his douchey personality didn't ruin what sex appeal he could have had.