This Pornstar is Ripped, But His Name is Tore Up

November 22, 2011
CEDRIC-DEWITTISON

He's gorgeous. He's ripped. He's sexy. He's got the stupidest name of the season. This is ATK Polish, aka, lame lame lame. Yes, his dick is to die for, his cum gutters are lickable, and his booty is delicious. If only we could figure out how to say his name.

Despite it being in all caps, as if it's initials, he pronounces his first name as one word, "atk." Like "at" with a "k." What does that even mean? A quick Google shows ATK is the name of a company that makes aerospace and defense products, and a motorcycle manufacturer. Is he a transportation enthusiast?

His last name, "Polish," is pronounced like the sausage. At least he's got a good slab of meat, but why "Polish?" We could be very wrong, but he doesn't look Eastern European.

When the folks at Next Door Studios hired ATK Polish, they should have steered him clear away from this clumsy name. Go ahead, say it out loud. "ATK Polish." Try again. "ATK Polish." Doesn't exactly roll trippingly off the tongue. That horrific first name trips up the tongue. He doesn't much make up for it by blatantly jerking off to tittie porn.

So, to recap:

ATK (Motorcycle)