Homophobia is a Major Turn-On for this “Competitive Reality Endurance Tickling” Agency

May 9, 2014
CILANTRO-CHE-GUEVARA

We all have complex sexual fantasies, but there's a "competitive reality endurance tickling agency" out there that came to the conclusion that 100% absolutely-not-gay heterosexual straight men tickling each other on video is what really makes them pop a boner. This "agency" is supposedly run by a full spectrum of colorful characters that might actually be one person. The rest gets extremely bizarre after that, but one thing we know for sure is that world-renowned twink porn producer Kevin Clarke is somehow involved.

It all started when New Zealand journalist David Farrier received a tip from a friend about a "tickling agency looking for ticklish guys to tickle on camera." Spotting an interesting story, he sent a Facebook message to the company responsible for posting the ad, Jane O'Brien Media, whose page has over 17,000 likes. The response he received was not what he was expecting.

This was then followed up by a second response from someone named "Debbie Kuhn" who made it a point to write "I am not Jane; we are two different people." She left an email address, and a more in-depth dialogue then commenced that ultimately led the company to compare tickling to the Holocaust:

"Hi Debbie,
Thanks for your post on Facebook.
Somebody sent me the tickling videos over Facebook, as I tend to focus on pop culture related stories.
I think the fact you have international participants from places like New Zealand being flown to Los Angeles to participate is a really good story, and I'd like to find out more.
Frankly, in 10 years of doing this job, my sexuality has never come into discussion when covering any type of news story. It's a little disappointing.
I hope you guys change your mind and are open to participating.
Kindest,
David."

"Hi, David:
We recently read a Googled article about the knowledge of your living with a homosexual partner becoming quite a stir in New Zealand. New Zealand is a new area of endeavour for us and the participants have been extraordinary. The remainder of the globe does not, in all corners, share some of the more liberal acceptance of your lifestyle that I, personally, hope that you continue to enjoy – in terms of your freedom to live in the manner you choose – but not in terms of what it entails.
Regards,
DJKuhn"

"Hi Debbie,
Thanks for another follow-up.
Despite your Googling, what I think you are failing to grasp is that I work for 3 News. 3 News is a respected news organisation.
3 News has all sorts of people working for them as far as journalists go, but what we all have in common is that we are trained journalists, and we do journalism.
I, for instance, love cats. But this doesn't mean I my love of cats changes what I do for 3 News.
I hope you rethink your stance at some stage, and your logic.
Kindest,
David."

"May I be respectfully but brutally frank about my logic and that shared by almost all of Jane O'Brien Media, LLC about this larger issue? I love cats, too, but this is not a social and spiritual taboo in much or most of the world and societies as we know them. I am sharing this with you and not as part of a story ... just as the Roman Catholic SSPX Bishop Williamson didn't want "news made" of his personal denial of the Holocaust :-O
DJKuhn"

Farrier eventually found a tickling-filled YouTube account linked to "Debbie Kuhn," the profile image a stock photo of a white girl with dogs. Farrier then enrolled more help to investigate the strange truth behind "Jane O'Brien Media," only to uncover more key players and facts involved. First there's "Marko Realmonte," the Facebook page administrator whose profile says he's interested in both men and women. Then there's "Norman VanDerKoos," the registered owner of such domains as Debbiekuhn.fr, JaneOBrien.com, nederdietsen.com, and the subject of a kooky blackmailing scandal on a US Marine's forum.

Finally, Farrier's journalist friend Joshua Drummond emailed the company and received a response from "Jane O'Brien" herself whose profile image was (shockingly!) also a stock photo and (shockingly!) revealed she's not only homophobic but also a racist:

"Hi Jane O'Brien Media.
I'm a journalist like David Farrier, but I'm straight. I am in reasonably good shape and am getting married in a couple of weeks to a human female. For bonus points I am also white. Would you be interested in participating in a story I am doing about bizarre and uncalled-for homophobic discrimination against media professionals that is likely to attract a great deal of attention for you?
I anticipate your prompt reply."

Jane O'Brien's reply:

"The more shrieking that homosexuals do, the more our target audience is secure that a popular and well-conceived project is not compromising to their masculinity. Our biggest problem at the onset was convincing suitable males that the Competitive Endurance Tickling activities in which they were about to participate were anything and "everything" but gay. Your proposed coverage would be of massive assistance to a vetting process that is both legal and treasured when producing media of this kind in the USA. Google suggests that you are, having so described yourself, not quite a journalist like the Farrier guy; not one wee bit. I understand that you are to be heterosexually married (and even were the union to be with an ethnic, what follows would remain); may you enjoy many years of happy marriage, take pride in progeny, and live a long and prosperous life as a husband and father.
Thanks."

Drummond's reply:

"What are your views on gay persons? Do you find them distasteful, as I believe you are saying below?"

Jane O'Brien's reply:

"I would like to give a polite, personal response, but, you see, you have designated me, typically - and somewhat accurately - as one who is bizarre in a tasteful distaste for homosexuals. Therefore, since you yourself have used descriptors, how could I answer you with an expectation of objectivity? I love the All Blacks, too, and May God Defend Your Free Land, but I have my distaste for certain things as well. Notice one thing. I have not assailed the so-called homosexual prerogative, but you Mr Journalist, are making my assumed personal beliefs – and those of a particular project for a company for which I work – the object of judgment. Judgment is not the professional vocation of the journalist, yes?"

At this point, Farrier and Drummond slowly backed away from the people/person behind "Jane O'Brien Media" as people usually do when they spot a 500-ton crazy train heading off the rails and there's no way to help. To figure out the appeal behind Jane O'Brien's tickling videos is to also make sense of someone who's against interracial marriage, blackmails members of the US Marines, and is probably self-medicating on stock photos.

Farrier did, however, manage to interview one of the guys who appears in the videos. While he didn't reveal much, he seemed extremely paranoid and distrusting of the experience. In conclusion, Farrier wrote, "I still haven't nailed down an exact theory to justify such a homophobic response to a 'quite gay' activity, except that perhaps heterosexuality is a key element to the fantasy. For the people involved, the entire premise is based on the fact everyone involved, and the whole situation, is exclusively straight. Any deviation from this fantasy destroys the fantasy. The instant the activity is viewed through rainbow coloured glasses, the goal of the activity falls apart."

When you think about how adamantly vocal Jane O'Brien Media is about being anti-gay in regards to their extremely gay videos, it almost seems like homophobia is part of a very homosexual fetish. Otherwise, why wouldn't they just film girls? It makes sense since the last tidbit of information Farrier uncovered is that a certain "Kevin Clarke" is listed as a "company officer" on the website, a name shared by the renowned twink porn producer that pops up when you Google "Kevin Clarke + tickling."