Learning To Cope with Your Michael Fitt Obsession

December 7, 2012
BRADFORD-MATTHEWS

We thought Benjamin Godfre was a breed of his own, but apparently the web is full of egomaniacs that can make a living off of their pretty faces. You're probably thinking that anyone with a webcam and access to Apple's iWeb can become an overnight celebrity, but you're wrong. In order to become a world-renown, web-based Rentboy, you have to have the face.

We can't remember how we did it, but we discovered Michael Fitt last weekend. Take a look at that face (and everything else):

Who wouldn't want to throw a thick wad of cash his way? If you haven't had the pleasure of meeting Michael Fitt yet, have a seat. Let us introduce you.

Michael Fitt is a one-man army that manages to regularly produce content for en empire that turns profit off his boyish charm, rugged personality, and sickening body. Oh, and also his jizz. His one-stop-shop, MichaelFitt.com, may look a little rough and obnoxious, but don't pretend like you're not already jerking off to the photo above. And for $29.95/month, you're going to get a lot more than just his face.

Photos

Before you lose yourself in a never-ending mission to buy all his used clothes, jerk off to every second of his X-rated videos, and lose all your friends because you're spending your free time obsessing over Michael Fitt, you're going to have to get to check out his photos first. Luckily for you, MichaelFitt.com is regularly updated with photos from his professional modeling portfolio, candid shots of "just me hanging out," and of course, plenty uncensored cock shots.

Videos

Pictures are fun to look at, but videos are easier to jerk off to. If you're in the mood to chill out and let your hair down with Michael Fitt, he'll spend time to make you a personalized video chock-full of your favorite things (including his dick). Don't feel awkward about tuning in to watch—Michael's adorable personality and wide smile will make you feel all warm inside, unlike his douchebag competitors.

Need a workout buddy? No problem. Michael will create a personalized DVD to show you what exercises he does to stay fit. And then he'll jerk off in his underwear for you, which leads us to our next point...

Customized DVDs

So you're obsessed with Michael Fitt. We don't blame you.

You don't want anyone else in the world invading your private one-on-one time with this pint-sized god, so he's created a way to be your one-and-only long distance relationship. By purchasing a customized DVD, you theoretically own the rights to Michael Fitt. Tell him what to do, and he'll record it all for you. Can you imagine what his voice sounds like saying your surname out loud? We're getting chills just thinking about it.

Personal Shiz

What's that? You bought 12 customized Michael Fitt DVDs and still can't get enough? You hate the time-lapse that happens during shipping of the DVD and want Michael to acknowledge you in realtime.

Members of MichaelFitt.com gain access to webcam shows, a blog that peeks into his personal life, and ACCESS TO HIS INSTANT MESSENGER SCREEN NAMES. You can literally talk to him whenever he's available, but try to start the conversation with something other than "sup bro, I'm watchin ur DVD right now."

Store

This is where shit gets real. When your Michael Fitt obsession reaches new heights, you'll start yearning for the scent of Michael Fitt. If all you need is a nice, big whiff of his taint while you're marathon-jerking to your 12 customized DVDs, you can visit the Michael Fitt store and collect everything from Michael's used jock strap to Michael's used socks. It gets better: each item of clothing is sent with a personalized DVD of Michael actually wearing it. Fuck.

You probably won't be able to buy anything from the Michael Fitt store right now, though. We just bought every sweaty brief and sock, and we plan on stuffing them all in our mouths immediately after opening the mail.

Feet

Holy shit, you guys. Michael Fitt knows us. He also knows that the world is full of piggy foot fetishists that want to slide one of his socks over their cock while jerking off, and strap the other one to the front of their face. That's why he's also selling worn socks, feet DVDs, and some shoes. Each order comes with a personalized sock modeling DVD so you can watch him massage his sock-covered foot while you blow your load in the exact same sock. Fuck. Each pair of worn socks is "scented and locked in a ziplock bag to preserve the Michael Fitt freshness." It sounds like candy to us.