Bel Ami’s Newest Lame Name Destroys Our Eastern-Euro Fantasies

When Bel Ami first boomed in the late 90s, it fired exotic Prague-ian fantasies of gorgeous bodies attached to the novelty of uncut cock. Pauliks and Davidovs and Milos added to the dream. Their newest pornstar name... not so much.

It's John Wahlberg. Yes, Wahlberg! As in Donnie or Markie-Mark. And couldn't "John" at least been stretched to a "Johan?" Bel Ami has resorted to ridiculous names before, but this takes the goulash. Whoever is the studio's Great Dispenser of Names is falling asleep at his desk. If they pointed blindfolded to two random places on the Hungarian map, they'd come up with something more realistic. Let's try it:

Szarvas. Adony.

Indeed, this cutie-patootie would fulfill our fantasies much more on brand as "Szarvas Adony," not "John Wahlberg." What will the next model be named? Jackie Chan? (With a silent "J.")

So, to recap:

Wahlberg, Donnie.

Wahlberg, Mark.

Not Wahlberg.

· John Wahlberg (belami.com)