Zayn Malik’s PLAGARIZED Pits in Paper Magazine

June 22, 2016
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SEXY ZAYN Covers PAPER Magazine

Ex One Direction member Zayn Malik is on the cover of the new issue of Paper Magazine, where we learn that he is "SEXY." What isn't "SEXY" is the fact that in the spread, Malik delivers some jankety off-brand pit action ripped straight from Nick Jonas! Alert the gay police!

Paper excels in covering celebs that BREAK THE INTERNET (and coined the term), and with his split from One Direction last year and his new edging, I mean edgy, look, Zayn is right up there with Kim Kardashian's Grand CANyon ass crack. Whereas his pit muse and fellow breakout boyband hottie, Nick Jonas, can't get away from an interview without leaving gay holes confused and ajar, Zayn can't escape without covering his 1D breakup and relationship with Gigi Hadon't.

Now, I don't want to shock you with this next bit so I hope you're sitting down. After calling it splitsville with a boyband, Zayn traded in his squeaky clean image for a big boy BADASS image. Look he's SMOKING on the cover. This is the real me world, get used to it! Breaking hearts and taking names, this one is. You get it. On how he DGAF: Via Paper (link below)

When asked just how many tattoos he currently has etched on his slight, 5'9" frame, he smiles, shrugs and says, "Don't know. They've kind of become one."

On his new music:

...it's no accident Mind of Mine is saturated with sexual imagery and overt phrases like "Be in the bed all day/ Fucking you and fighting on" ("PILLOWTALK") and "I'll get her wetter than ever/ Four letters is never the question/ She likes when I'm messy/ And I like when she's undressing" ("wRoNg"). "It wasn't a conscious decision to make [the album] sexual or refer to sex," Zayn says. "But I just found out that a lot of situations that I was in were quite sexual situations -- all of the time." He adds, "I enjoyed singing about [sex], clearly."

It looks like this one's really letting the world know that he's no longer just a kid from a boyband! We also learn that he is no longer "Zayn," he's "ZAYN." No last name.

Honestly, physically speaking, I DO want to get fucked by those eyelashes like yesterday, but I don't want to do it while having a conversation. Here's ZAYN's gorgeous face and counterfeit armpits! Is ZAYN the way of the future? Can you love Nick Jonas and ZAYN at the same time? Does anybody have any fan fiction with these two? I'm asking for a friend.